I Believe

A Dream

In visions of the dark night
I have dreamed of joy departed-
But a waking dream of life and light
Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day
To him whose eyes are cast
On things around him with a ray
Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream- that holy dream,
While all the world were chiding,
Hath cheered me as a lovely beam
A lonely spirit guiding.

What though that light, thro’ storm and night,
So trembled from afar-
What could there be more purely bright
In Truth’s day-star?

-Edgar Allan Poe

Hope….

There are miles of empty space lying between you and me,you are so far away that sometimes I forget you exist but then,out of blue you come and hold me in your arms and I try to hide myself in you like a child scared of dark.  I go to office and meet hundreds of people everyday but none of them can give me the peace that knowing, you exist somewhere,gives me.

I go back home feeling lonely and that deserted house creates magic,just because you lived there once.  I know you are not here,I know you may never come back but I don’t want to admit it.  I want you to laugh at me like you used to do before and then look at me with river of love in your eyes,I want to hold you like before, this time to never let you go away again.

I know I am an idiot but I want to hear it from your mouth,I miss your anger,your smile they way you used to fight with me over everything.  I miss the way you looked at me and how you used to hold me in your arms and tell me that you love me and will never go away.

Come back please come back just once,I am sinking and I need you my love I need you like never before.  I want to feel you again,stare at that little dimple of yours and touch those lines on your neck which you always denied.  I want to smell your heavenly hair again, I want to hold you in my arms one last time and touch your tickling silky waist.

The memory of your arched back is still fresh in my mind,and your sensuous walk still turns me on.  Your frustrated face and anger after burning food in the kitchen is what I miss,do you remember how you used to come back from office all tired and sweaty and ask me to stay away from you till you take bath,I want to tell you tonight, that you looked more beautiful than,drops of water rolling down on your neck like pearls,your messy hair and strands coming on your face and the way you used to move them from your forehead still gives me butterflies in my stomach.

I remember every single thing about you even those you tried to hide from me,I knew when you were feeling guilty and tried your best to stay away from me.  I was shattered when your best friend told me about him,but with every single passing day my love for you kept on increasing.  I loved the way you lied in front of me,I loved the way you tried to hide truth from me thinking it might hurt me.

I was hurt but this made me realize how much I loved you,both of us knew and lied to each other because we knew this would shatter our world,I was waiting for you to tell me I still believe I could have stopped you.  That morning when you left a letter on my bed,I cried but then I looked at wrinkles you left on bed sheet,I realized you are always with me,in this house,in every single thing of this house.

Whenever,I look at that table you bought for us I remember how you used to sit on it and read your favorite book and faces you made when I held you in my arms.  I know what you were going through and it was my fault,I never took a moment to tell you how much I love you.  I wasn’t afraid of losing you,I believed you and me are a part of same coin we can’t live without each other.

But tonight when I saw you with him a part of me died,you looked happy and there was a shine in your eyes which I can die to see again.  My love I will miss you forever but I want you to be happy forever.  Never worry about me,for me your memories are enough and whenever I want you all I have to do is close my eyes and you’ll be there and so shall be a hope that you will come back one day,some day.

Heaven

 

A friend sent me a mail so here I am sharing it with you.

I was shocked, confused, bewildered

as I entered Heaven’s door,

Not by the beauty of it all,

by the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven

who made me sputter and gasp–

the thieves, the liars, the sinners,

the alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade

who swiped my lunch money twice.

Next to him was my old neighbor

who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought

was rotting away in hell,

was sitting pretty on cloud nine,

looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, “What’s the deal?

I would love to hear Your take.

How’d all these sinners get up here?

God must’ve made a mistake.

And why’s everyone so quiet,

so somber? Give me a clue.”

“Hush, child,” said He “They’re all in shock.

No one thought they’d see you.”

-author unknown

 

 

Pursuit of Inspiration….

Tonight I need inspiration and something to write about but can’t seem to get anything.It’s a strange feeling,you sit with your system and a cup of coffee and think about writing something but nothing hits you hard enough to start.Sometimes,I wonder does it happen to every body or am alone in this.Sometimes,I feel unmotivated,lazy and just don’t want to write but trust me it’s not an excuse to skip writing and indulge in some sins but I need a way out I need to start using my brain again.I am ready to write,all I need is a little motivation and something to write about.

If You Forget Me

I want you to know

one thing

You know how this is

if I look

at the crystal moon, at the red branch

of the slow autumn at my window,

if I touch

near the fire

the impalpable ash

or the wrinkled body of the log,

everything carries me to you,

as if everything that exists,

aromas, light, metals,

were little boats

that sail

toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,

if little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly

you forget me

do not look for me,

for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,

the wind of banners

that passes through my life,

and you decide

to leave me at the shore

of the heart where I have roots,

remember

that on that day,

at that hour,

I shall lift my arms

and my roots will set off

to seek another land.

But

if each day,

each hour,

you feel that you are destined for me

with implacable sweetness,

if each day a flower

climbs up to your lips to seek me,

ah my love, ah my own,

in me all that fire is repeated,

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,

my love feeds on your love, beloved,

and as long as you live it will be in your arms

without leaving mine

-Pablo Neruda

Tonight is the night

 

Tonight is the night

To do what I want to

To fulfill all my dreams

To make it happen

If not now then when

I can’t wait any longer

I need to act

And there is no better day

than this to start

So let’s do that

Let’s make it happen

 

I miss you

 

Sometimes in those lonely nights,I miss you

and wonder what would it be like

to lie in your arms and look at the sky

sometimes i feel like you,

just wanna smell like you..

You make my heart skip a beat

you make my knees go weak

Oh dear love you are what I need

You are what i miss!!

 

 

Conversation with myself…..

 

That night,I was going to do something and he stood up in front of me.He was nothing but my alter ego,my imagination.Here is an excerpt from that conversation we had that night….

He: What are you doing?

Me: Am I supposed to answer this?

He: Yes you are,tell me what you want to achieve by doing this?

Me: Is piece of mind a valid answer?

He: hah,as if you are ever going to sleep at night after this.

Me:You seriously think so?

He: Any doubts?

Me: I am not as good as you think.

He: I hate conclusions

Me: huh,at last there is something you hate.

He: I know what are you thinking

Me: Ohh now you are a mind reader?

He: I live in your mind

Me: Leave me alone

He: You are alone if you really want to be.

Me: I do, I want to be alone.

He: Than stop imagining me.

Me: Go away,stop irritating me

He: Guilt my dear,it’s called guilt.

Me: M not guilty of anything.

He: Connect the dots an you will get the answer.

Me: dots,what are you talking about?

He: you know for yourself,don’t do this.

Me: Why? He deserves this,after what he did.

He: And who are u to decide that?

Me: The victim

He: And, now you want to be the assailant?

Me: No,I just want justice

He: Justice is a highly overrated concept

Me: It’s hard to be at recieving end

He: See,you know..

Me: I hate myself

He: Now you really started loving

 

 

अहसास-ए-मुहब्बत

मुहब्बत के इस एहसास ने जब से मुझे छुआ है,

तब से आँखो से नींद लबों से बोल गायब हैं

जब से मिली हैं नज़रे आपसे

तब से मन से चैन ओर दिल से गम गायब है

जब तलक ज़िंदगी का सफ़र चलेगा

आपके होने का एहसास रहेगा

आप चाहे हमें भूल भी जाएँ

पर ये एहसास हमेशा याद रहेगा

कहते आएँ हैं लोग उमर भर यही

मुहब्बत का तो नाम भी बुरा है

नही जानते नादान है वो

ये कुछ और नही रब की दुआ है

जब से आपके होने का एहसास हुआ है

बयान नही कर सकते क्या हाल है

हमारे दिल की आवाज़ सुन सके आपका दिल

अब बस यही मालिक से इलतज़ा है

ना जाने क्यूँ आपका ख़याल

होठों पे मुस्कान बन छाया रहता है

ना जाने क्यूँ आपका अहसास

ठंडी तन्हा रातो मे जगाए रखता है

मुहब्बत के इस एहसास ने जब से मुझे छुआ है,

तब से आँखो से नींद लबों से बोल गायब हैं

जब से मिली हैं नज़रे आपसे

तब से मन से चैन ओर दिल से गम गायब है